Each year a particular pub chain gives me a ‘get your birthday meal free’ voucher.
And for the last 2 years I have chosen to use this on my own.
Some people find that weird that I don’t take people with me, but actually I don’t mind it.
Being an empath means that I often need and want time alone.
But also, it is showing myself that i can do it too.
Today, I booked my table and chose one by the window (overlooks a river).
I forgot to take a book with me so just had a little scroll through FB whilst I was waiting for it to be cooked.
I was happy enough just sipping my lime and soda, watching the world go by, watching the water flow by and the threatening clouds taunting us as to whether it would rain (it needs to, it’s humid and hot).
As I sat, I realised I am even MORE comfortable than I was last year eating alone.
I didn’t hurry my meal, I didn’t feel self-conscious.
I just was. Present.
That felt good.
To not need anyone in that moment, just being with me was enough.
To not even worry about anyone around me, what they thought. I didn’t even see being alone as a ‘thing’.
I know there’s a lot of people on my feed who know this feeling, and who do this.
But if you don’t, I’d highly recommend it.
Take a book if you wish, or headphones to listen to a podcast, or music or suchlike.
But if you can’t be with yourself, what does that say?
Quite a lot.
Healing takes many forms. This is just one form.
Very subtle. I wouldn’t have noticed unless I had done this.
But it’s a wonderful marker, to praise myself and be proud of who I am today vs who I was a year ago.
Like many, I have done more healing, explored more triggers. Shone a light on more of my pain.
And moments like above, just show me that it is all making a difference.
Be with you. Because if you can’t, it is likely you will attract others you can’t either.
I went for a lovely walk after by the river, enjoying the spotting rain and the earthy smells of nature, and water. Bliss.
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