I have been shedding so much grief in the past few days, biting me on the ass, but I just feel it, honour it, release it, let it flow through me with compassion, because it is in there and needs to be expressed, and honoured.
That is how it is meant to be, we feel something we express it, we honour it, we are gentle and kind with ourselves, and then we let it release.
But so often, we don’t express it, or can’t.
Maybe it’s too overwhelming at the time.
Maybe it’s not safe to, and then we suppress it, but it is still there buried.
Waiting for the time we will acknowledge it and work through it.
There has been plenty of tears. Plenty of swearing. Plenty of tapping (EFT)!
And reaching out to Spirit, frustrated, to ask for other ways of releasing emotions that I know are in there, but that I just couldn’t tap into come hell or high water.
And they came through on that one, gently nudging me to read The Emotion Code by Bradley Nelson.
Still a work in progress.
Still healing.
Still grieving
Still sitting with myself in those moments, with compassion, the protective loving part of me talking to me with love, compassion and kindness.
It’s been tough few days, and not having Puss here makes it so much tougher, the irony of mourning, as she would have been my light in the dark, the one to make me smile, laugh, to feel loved, to love.
Our pets do help us regulate our emotions, increasing our oxytocin, decreasing our cortisol. They give us the ability to be distracted from our own depth of emotion for a while, even after the release, to soothe our soul, and their presence, love, quirkiness and personality help us come away from the dark.
I have struggled not to be around cats, especially at the moment, so much so that a very dear friend has let me come and be with theirs often, to snuggle if they so chose, stroke, sit with. To see another’s loving eyes staring at you, to have nose kisses and head bumps. It’s all love. And it helps heal that broken heart and i offer them and their cats so much gratitude for that, for them.
Grief is definitely love with no place to go, but actually it needs to go to ourselves. And I am doing that as much as I can, moreso than I ever have before, but sometimes it is pets that I just know I need to be around. With Panda’s passing, it was local horses, with Phoebe’s, I spoke to pet bereavement services mainly because it was all too much to bear. With Puss, it has definitely been other cats in abundance.
The healing goes on. The book writing from journalling goes on.
The sun will shine again, but for now my heart just craves cats
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