One of the common beliefs that my co-dependent clients suffer with, is the belief that they are second best.
Often, there’s also a part of them that knows they’re not second best, but they’re not aware of the other part of them that believes the opposite. This creates inner conflict but also creates many emotions, including most commonly, anger, resentment, grief, and sometimes even shame and self-hatred.
Now any belief we hold, whether it is empowering or disempowering, will create circumstances and situations around us that affirm that belief. Hence, we will attract in situations and people that reflect and trigger this belief within us.
Cue, narcissists, as with narcissists the world exists for them, and is about them – it’s all about them!
The co-dep, believing they are second best, will then alter their behaviour accordingly: they will put others’ needs first; they will believe they deserve to be treated that way; they will tolerate behaviour that is not acceptable; they will try and rescue the narcissist. The list goes on.
But, first and foremost, the one person that needs to stop treating them as second best…is themselves!!
When we have the belief we are second best – and yes I have experienced it too, as I was a co-dep, I did all those things above and more – there will be ‘parts’ of US that put us second best.
Now, sometimes this is due to a lack of awareness. Some parts of us may be unaware of each other – like I said above at the beginning.
So the healing journey we must go through entails releasing that belief (and many more) and working with the different ‘parts’ of us to ensure we never treat ourselves in the same manner again.
This healing often creates feelings of relaxation, letting go (of emotions, physical tension, thought patterns and attitudes), peace, and a deep sense of feeling more ‘complete’, more ‘whole’ as we have integrated a ‘part’ (the ‘I am second best’ part) of ourselves that had been out on the side-lines.
It can create a whole new perspective of a situation where we have compassion yet we don’t enable unacceptable behaviour, where we are assertive but not aggressive, where we look after our needs but consider others’ needs too, where we remove someone from our life as a form of protection after standing up for ourselves accordingly.
We step back into our power instead of giving it away.
We take back control of our life, with awareness of us as well as others.
Parts of us no longer feels second best, as they know we are treating them as a priority…and we may be the first person ever to have done that!
And when your internal reality changes, so will your external reality!
What you draw to you no longer has to teach you that that belief is there and ready to be healed.
You will handle situations differently than before the release. Your emotions and awareness are clearer, and you are no longer being triggered by the belief ‘I am second best’.
And it is empowering!
Releasing these disempowering beliefs is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
If this resonates with you, I’m here if you need me!