Not long ago, I was cat sitting this little beauty, she belongs to a member of my family.
Leading up to the day she was going home, I could feel the evening before and the morning of, my emotions (sadness, grief) starting to creep in.
I looked after her in September and had the same feelings then, but there was a lot already going on in my world, so I avoided it completely by me taking her back to her owner, thus not triggering the wound that was there from Puss’ passing.
But, as the universe does, we get offered situations where we can heal our wounds, and when we avoid them or bypass them, then they just come around again, until we do our healing.
So, there we were, with my emotions coming to the surface. I managed on the whole to keep them back and under wraps until her owner had collected her.
Pretty much as soon as the door was shut, the dam broke. Tears fell, and I could feel the sense of heaviness, breathlessness and heavy weight of grief that was present in my solar plexus.
Handing her back over to her owner, reminded me of when Puss had just been put to sleep and I was having to hand her over to the vet for the last time, not wanting to let her go, but having to. I remember kissing her tummy before he could take her, but it was one of the most horrific moments, entrusting my baby to someone else and letting her go.
It brought all of those feelings up, and I just had to sob. And I sobbed hard.
This time, I let myself feel it and I just sat with it. Because the only way to heal, is to feel it. To let it pass through, up and out of my energy because it couldn’t at the time, I was too numb to release it all at once. And the grief was too much.
There are layers to our grief and to the triggers around our grief, and this was one for me.
After sobbing my heart out and reaching out to good friends around me too and talking it out, I went to bed for self-care.
The grief was still there the next day, just a bit less overbearing, and I made sure that day to again let myself feel it, cry when I needed to, and take really good care of myself.
I listened to what I needed, physically, mentally, emotionally.
I talked to Puss too.
I had an evening of clairvoyance that evening. My first one, so I made sure I rested, had a lovely relaxing bath, prepared myself spiritually for the evening and was as good as I could be to do it. I ate and drank properly, read my book, and took a walk in nature.
I was being kind and compassionate with myself, with my inner child.
Why am I writing this?
Because triggers can come from nowhere, and sometimes they are subtle and sometimes they hit you in the gut (or anywhere else) emotionally and physically like a steam train.
Let it come up. Let the grief be felt, seen, heard.
Allow it to complete its cycle or journey through you.
And whilst all of that is happening, tend to yourself in the most loving ways possible.
Be your own loving parent to your inner child.
Make sure you eat, drink, sleep, walk, take a bath, etc.
Use your breath when it gets intense. Tip: longer exhales activate the relaxation response in your nervous system, so let it know it is safe to express itself.
Don’t judge or be hard on yourself: let it come out and care for the part of you that feels that way.
The part of you that is grieving needs to know it is safe to express itself and how it feels, to you first and foremost, without you judging it, suppressing it, making it feel like it is wrong to feel that way. It needs love, love, and more love!!
And yes after 2 days of doing this, I felt lighter. The heaviness in my solar plexus had lifted and had created shifts within me. The energy that needed to be released, had been.
No doubt there will be other triggers down the line, all of which are being written up for my book.
And I will just work with those in the same kind of way. My resources for emotional regulation may need to be tweaked to fit the feelings, but we have them in place ready to use when needed.
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